Everything was going great i.e. Work pressure was lesser, friends were there, family was doing great; in short life was awesome. Suddenly I had a fight with one of my biggest strength in last one year, Lovely (name not changed at all). We had shared some beautiful, memorable moments with each other which bonded us emotionally very strong. I could talk to him about anything starting from my family financial crisis to my official problems. He talked to me about starting from his kid shoes to his home renovation. To keep it simple, we were sharing everything what happened to us in a day.
One day I got to know a secret about his professional life which he did not share. I felt bad and upon confronting him, he again lied to me by skipping the question. That was the turning point..I got numb and decided not to talk to him anymore. I tried explaining him everything over wassapp. He apologized for what he did. But i was adamant not to accept. Later after four days, after going through mental and physical trauma, I forgave him for everything and tried to start a new friendship from scratch. One year old friendship had turned into a fresh one. Things got changed despite i tried my level best to normalize everything but i could not forget the deceit.
Now few days later, on 4th june 2014, i m here once again to write down my emotions these days. I am feeling bad for myself as i trusted him blindly and he beguiled me. I am hurt badly deep down my heart that i am afraid that would i be able to give him or any other person a chance to again hurt me. I cried a lot in past few days and i am mentally disturbed to an extent that i cannot concentrate on anything these days. One thing is for sure, he came too close to forget. Another thing which i have made clear to myself is that in future nobody will come that close. I should change myself than changing my friend. I have decided to maintain some distance to avoid any further disputes. Less the closeness lesser will be the expectations resulting lesser will be the pain.
The whole chapter taught me a lesson. I tried maintaining distance as decided in the above stanza as a punishment to myself. I cleared him everything about my decision, he retaliated in a manner to which i again fell for. I gave him another chance considering my state of mind. But as they say,
"Rahiman Dhaga prem ka mat todo chatakay..
tuttey to phir judey nai..judey gaanth pad jaye;"
Today, i have again decided to keep a straight face rather than be jolly to everyone. Lovely..will miss u badly..Had u not broken my trust, u would have been my fastest friend forever.
Regards
Parul Goyal
